Boundaries. Energy Management. Discernment.

I talk about these three things often enough: Boundaries Energy Management Discernment It's because they're the cornerstone of my coaching practice, and also the trifecta of what has brought me to where I am in my own present time. They are three elements I believe in. They create a container, a structure, a scaffold from where to perch when the storms of life hit. If you have these things, you have the space around you to breathe and decide without (or with less) urgency, panic, and fear. They offer grounding in a storm. Shelter for life's unexpected surprises. Now. I'm not perfect and I'll be the first to admit I can fall off the wagon for my practice in these areas from time to time. I'm human. Which brings me to a couple other words I want to talk about: Permission Mastery First, we need permission to make mistakes, have occasional slip-ups and failures. I have a feeling that in cultures of times' past, there would be a sanctioned night of wild drinking and crazy making fun where all bets were off and people could get all the things out of their systems, so they could clear the slate and start fresh. Kind of like drunken New Years' parties today. A specified “last hurrah” so that managing one's self is a little easier the rest of the year. We don't really have sanctioned “get the wiggles out” ceremonies in contemporary American society (they might be growing in select groups), and in it's place what we have is a sense of expectation to be “doing right” and “being perfect”. Which is a recipe for so much misery in most cases. So we need more permission. To fail, to make mistakes, to try something and fall flat on our faces. I'm not saying we all need reckless and wanton nights of debauchery (but hey, maybe some do), but for the buttoned up, “good student”, rule-following, people-pleasing perfectionist, we could have a little permission to fail, hard. To be totally excited to make a giant mess and learn from the mistake. To take the “leap” and land on our assess, then stand up, dust off, and reassess. This is how learning happens and adults don't give themselves a lot of permission to learn unless it's going to go “perfectly” and in that case, there isn't much growth. Growth requires stretch. For many adults, learning was done after high school or college, and then, you were supposed to “know”. But… learning doesn't stop, so why did our permission to fail, and fail miserably, stop? Sure - there might be economic consequences that could compromise financial stability - so maybe assess the risks - but I would argue that risk aversion is too high in most cases and holding us back as we get older. So, yes, permission. To be less perfect. To make mistakes. To fail, learn and reassess. And that last word? Mastery. I'm using it lately in place of “perfection”. Perfection as most of us might agree these days doesn't really exist. Stuff is changing faster than our minds or feet can follow in some cases, and so mastery is where it's at. Becoming masterful at what it is we set our minds to, our practices on, so that when failures or mistakes happen, we look to the learning and integrate it into becoming masters of our craft. Mastery is understanding the complex and dynamic nature of life, of knowing that there is so much out of our control and being okay with how we learn to dance when the floor starts to rumble. Mastery is keeping our footing best we can when things shake up, and then think about what it will take to work towards balance. When we have healthy boundaries, energy management, and discernment as our foundation, we can really lean into permission and mastery as a practice for how we live our lives. Want support building these foundations? Listen to this episode of my podcast on Boundaries, Energy Management, and Discernment and try out the exercise I walk you through in the episode. Want support in real life, 1:1? I'm taking consults for new coaching clients to begin in late Summer / Fall 2022. Book your consult today: P.S. Have a friend who could use this? Share this post.